Couch Slut - Someplace Cheap
There’s hundreds of motorcycles parked out in a clearing
Fire archery out in the woods
Pigs roasting
A heavy metal band
Inside there’s a bar and a guy named Randy
Who would play a cover of any song you told him
We drank for free all night and hung out with the three bikers we met earlier at the McDonald's parking lot
We had the time of our lives
They offered us a place to stay
They didn’t live far
Coach and Ron and the other guy whose name I can’t remember
Ron was wearing a leather vest that's sewn onto it the American flag
So his biker nickname was Captain America
So we ride to this guy’s house
The youngest of the three
A fireman and recently divorced
I think it’s the coolest thing
Riding through the night to this house
We get inside and he has a whole room
Full of assault rifles all over the wall
He’s got all kinds of handguns and swords
They ask us if we smoke weed
And they roll up a blunt
We smoke
Then we realize none of the three bikers are smoking
Then it kind of hits us that we've been drugged
Before I know it I’m in handcuffs
And they're trying to take me into this bedroom
They say they just wanna film me in the handcuffs
Because it was funny or whatever
My friends don’t let it happen
We’re freaked out because obviously we've been drugged
And we don't know with what
Coach, I think, went home
And the firefighter man went to sleep
And me and my friends slept on the couch together
We woke up in the morning
And one of our friends had disappeared
We couldn't find him anywhere
There was a video camera sitting on the coffee table
We’re ready to fight
We woke up at 7:00 in the morning
And we have to get the fuck out of here
We find our friend in the attic on a stained mattress
And he’s naked down to his underwear
He doesn't know what happened
We don't know what happened
We get back downstairs and D is like “Look at this”
He plays back the camcorder that was sitting on the coffee table
And Captain America was jerking off
He was filming himself jerking off on us
While we were asleep
Saying the most foul, vile shit that you could possibly imagine
We’re whispering
‘Cause Captain America's passed out on this little, like, chair in the living room
But Chris is so angry he records himself saying like
“My name is __________
I work at the LensCrafters store number 664
Lehigh Valley Mall
Come to Pennsylvania and fucking find me, bitch”
Song Description:
edit soundcloudSoundCloud:
edit soundcloudMore Couch Slut lyrics
Couch Slut - The Mouthwash Years
Lie awake all serrated copper Bow to what you said Shame arrest for the one for pleasure War in weight’s caress Father for the Winter skin, forever Dial, try you once
Couch Slut - Lust Chamber
Your alien neon ripe You expect Rye, your aching Barren seed Tie you another one God it stinked Fuck you dry 'till you're dead Fuck you dry
Couch Slut - Carpet Farmer
That man you brought here last night Said he was "Looking for James" That guy that was here last night Scared the living shit out of me I see him in the kitchen
Couch Slut - Summer Smiles
And they would kick me in the head If I turned to see what the fuck he was doing I don't know why I was so interested in specifics He took me down with a knife to my throat He
Couch Slut - Couch Slut Lewis
I was new to the road, played my pretty guitar For anyone who would listen A girl on her back looks to be asleep Her clothes were torn, gashes up her legs and thighs Deep
Couch Slut - Ode To Jimbo
I’m messy Just have a few I’m so drunk They said “Fuck you” I stay too late ‘Cuz I’m a freak Down in the shower They said “I love you” You always
Couch Slut - Funeral Dyke
Dressed like that at a funeral You’re gonna give someone the wrong idea You’re getting excited You’re getting excited by all the death You’re a funeral lesbian
Couch Slut - Company Picnic With Dust Off
When sinking through every step, crippled Then spilled and wiped down on the walk “Never would get through black The way is shrouded in ice and snow.” All he had four words,
Couch Slut - Penalty Scar
There’s a circus on Mars A cloud of witnesses A dancing hazard light A laughing eidolon Midnight seance going vision Get in You have earned your penalty
Couch Slut - Folk Song
In the glade Where a cut up bitch With blood upon her face Turned into a cavalcade Epicurean waste In downer’s glade Submission In downer’s glade
