John Lithgow - Never Play Music Right Next to The Zoo

I went to a concert when I was a lad
No older than many of you
I sat with my sister, my mother, my dad
At a band shell right next to the zoo
The soft summer air was so balmy and sweet
And the program was running so long
That I found myself falling asleep in my seat
Despite all the music and song
All at once the conductor erupted with rage!
A band of wild animals was storming the stage!

Oh, children! Remember!
Whatever you may do
Never play music right next to the zoo
They’ll burst from their cages
Each beast and each bird
Desperate to play all thе music they’ve heard
Thе lions and the elephants
The bears and the raccoons
Will steal away the trumpets
The flutes, and bassoons
Replace the musicians and chase them away
Then they’ll sit in the band shell and play

The monkeys played fiddle
The bison the bass
The percussions were manned by the camel
The yak played the sax until red in the face
A surprisingly musical mammal
The bonobo played oboe
The ferret the flute
The jackal attacked the bassoon
The hippo had chosen the tuba to toot
By the light of the silvery moon
Siberian tigers, Mongolian goats
A superabundance of bestial notes!
Oh, children! Remember!
Whatever you may do
Never play music right next to the zoo
They’ll burst from their cages
Each beast and each bird
Desperate to play all the music they’ve heard
The lions and the elephants
The bears and the raccoons
Will steal away the trumpets
The flutes, and bassoons
Replace the musicians and chase them away
Then they’ll sit in the band shell and play

As the animal orchestra filled up the air
With chaos, confusion, and clatter
The audience calmly continued to stare
As if nothing was the matter
I trembled with terror, suppressing a scream
While my parents just sat there enraptured
Oh, how I wished it was only a dream
And the creatures all safely recaptured
But since, by the minute
I’d grown less afraid
I decided to sit back and watch while they played

They finished, and each put his instrument down
Then bowed and descended the stage
Each shed his tuxedo, or evening gown
And hurried back home to his cage
Then each reminisced, so grateful and glad
So full of contentment and pride
My mother meanwhile, strolled away with my dad
But my sister remained by my side
She tugged on my sweater and spoke in my ear
“YOU’D BETTER WAKE UP OR WE’RE LEAVING YOU HERE!”
Oh, children! Remember!
Whatever you may do
Never play music right next to the zoo
They’ll burst from their cages
Each beast and each bird
Desperate to play all the music they’ve heard

No, never play music right next to the zoo
And pay strict attention to rule number two
Bear it in mind for the rest of your days:
Don’t fall asleep when an orchestra plays