​the garages - ​arturo huerta and henry marshmallow

★ intro: the seattle garages ★
Seattle garages
Seattle garages
Seattle garages
Seattle garages

★ verse 1: arturo huerta, the garages ★
You want it i’ve got it
Arturo in the pocket
Batter’s worst nightmare (seattle garages)
Arturo, arturo, arturo
Chant my name though i might not be there (seattle garages)
Can’t see me, can’t hear me, just a vague feeling
Coming from the pitching square (seattle garages)

It’s arturo, arturo, huertas
Arturo, arturo, huertas

We don’t have to play these gamеs (seattle garages)
You-oh won’t know who thrеw the ball til the ball is through the strike frame (seattle garages)
Swing batter, swing batter, swing i dare you
You will never hit this fastball (seattle garages)

Arturo, arturo, huertas
Arturo, arturo, huertas

(park here)

★ verse 2: henry marshmallow, *the mini-marshmallows ★
(it looks easy)
Pitching a strike
And then pitching a strike
And then pitching again
But you believe me
(i worked hard)
Shaping these marshmallow
Muscles into a real
Killing machine
Have you seen die hard?
I’m like the blaseball john mcclane
Til i’m dead, throwing curveballs cross the astral plane
Yippie ki yay

(i seem scary)
But i’ve got a soft side
A marshmallow heart
Made of sugary gold
For my teammates i’m
(willing to)
Throw both these gelatin
Hands, mess with them, you will
Get knocked out cold
Don’t you ever forget

The name’s henry marshmallow
The most beautiful man with a saccharine soul
Don’t you ever forget
The name’s henry marshmallow
A true champion, with a hardened sugar mold
I made a song -

It’s henry marshmallow, the world’s greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!
It’s henry marshmallow, the world’s greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!

La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la

★ piano instrumental ★

These hands could
Deliver baseballs
To thousands of catchers
And never meet a bat
That’s a new poem
I just wrote
It’s about pitching
I’m so good at pitching
I’m the mvm…
Most valuable

Marshmallow man in the league!
Plus some humans think i’m a deity
I won't argue with them
I think that i’m pretty rare
A sentient marshmallow with perfect hair
Here’s my song again

It’s henry marshmallow, the world’s greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!
It’s henry marshmallow, the world’s greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!

La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la

A-ha, thank you, thank you
Three, four!

★ spoken outro: henry marshmallow, his publicist ★
Thank you, thank you again, thank you! thanks to my backing band, the mini marshmallows! ha-ha! they’re unionized now, i hate it!

(no, no, y- you're pro-union, pro-union!)

You might not know me, but my name is henry marshmallow, pitcher for the seattle garages, established baritone, aspiring tenor, but most of all, an incredible athlete. and i always have been, though i have to tell you i used to be made fun of all the time for my marshmallow condition- i’m a marshmallow, in case you didn’t know-

(i don't know what that is, ★ inaudible ★, sorry.)

Actually in the minor leagues, i’d get heckled from the stands, like... "hey, marshmallow man! we're gonna roast you! we're gonna make you into a s'more!" and eventually i had it up to here and yelled back, "you know what, dude, i dare you. if you tried to make me into a s'more and eat me, your body would need to be, like, 20% insulin! so you can try and make me a s'more-"

(henry, henry- no, no, no-)

"-but i'm gonna, like, wreck your pancreas if you do!" so then they’d be pretty quiet-

(hey, henry? no. you can't talk about diabetic-)

Just a sec, my publicist wants to talk...

(you really can't talk about diabetes like that, okay?)

Okay, great news, i've decided to apologize for the previous anecdote-

(jesus christ.)

-and i’m going to be making a large donation to the juvenile diabetes research foundation. shout out to everyone with type one diabetes- nick jonas, ethan geller, justice sonia sotomayor, all champions in my opinion-

(who's- who's even geller?)

Okay, i have one more thing to say actually-

(what more could you possibly-)

If it was me at the end of ghostbusters instead of the stay-puft marshmallow man, i would’ve won. bill murray would be like, “aw, man! we were gonna ghostbust you, but you’re, like, really chill! do you want to make more movies with me?” then i would’ve been a movie star, maybe even become president- then ronald reagan would’ve only had one term-

(you are-)

Iran-contra wouldn’t have happened-

(woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, y-)

I would defund the cia-

(you can't say that!)

The entire geopolitical landscape would be-

(henry, henry, w- we gotta stop- you really gotta stop talking.)

Okay, my publicist is now telling me i really need to stop talking. thank you all, i’m henry marshmallow, good night, and go garages! park it! ha-ha, yeah, how was that?

(g-good job! we're- we're late for your appointment.)