Saturday Night Live - Bits

★ intro - spoken ★

★ garett (chris redd) ★
Here we go! everybody good on drinks?

★ jake (mikey day) ★
Ah, no, man, i got work early tomorrow. i think i'm good

★ steve (pete davidson) ★
Cut to you forty beers later, being like "aaah, actually, i think i'm gonna be using that sick day!

★ beck bennett ★
Yeah, cut to your wife tomorrow morning being like "are you drunk?" and you're like, "no- ★ mimics throwing up ★"!

★ whistling from the tv ★

★ garett ★
Aw, come on, man, that's not a late hit!

★ jake ★
Yeah, i know, this league is so soft now...

★ ryan (kyle mooney) ★
Cut to- he's, like, so drunk he's got a grenade launcher now, and he's like... "aah, never mind the kids! save the burritos!"

★ beck ★
What?

★ ryan ★
From- from earlier, jake, he's just, like, so drunk?

★ garett ★
A grenade launcher? damn, i want whatеver ryan's smoking!

★ all laugh ★

★ ryan ★
Nah, i was just messing...

★ jake ★
I think i'm gonna grab those buffalo wings, actually, i'm starving

★ verse 1 ★
Why can't i keep thе joke going?
(keep the joke going)
When i riff with my friends
I just slow things down
(slow things down)

I always jump in really confident
But nobody laughs at what i say

I try so hard
But what i say just doesn't make sense
It sounds so good in my head
But then my energy is weird

I'm the guy who kills the bit
Kills the bit
Kills the bit

Yes, i'm always killing the bit
Killing the bit
Killing the bit

Now, once again, everybody's laughing
I'd better say something cool and hilarious

★ spoken interlude ★

★ ryan ★
Say... cut to, like, a giant mutated buffalo wing wi- with boxing gloves, and it's like, "in this corner, weighing in at a thousand pounds, johnny buffalo!"

★ beck ★
What?

★ ryan ★
The- the buffalo wings you guys were talking about...

★ chris ★
That was, like, five minutes ago!

★ all groan as ryan spills the plate of wings. ★

★ beck ★
Oh, dude!

★ jake ★
Okay...

★ ryan ★
Guess garett's right. i want what i'm smoking!

★ steve ★
Ryan, listen. you're a great guy. so i say this with love. you don't have to be funny, man

★ ryan ★
Alright, steve!

★ steve ★
No, seriously, man, it's okay to just listen. you don't have to add anything

★ ryan ★
Cut to me making, like, a thousand more jokes

★ garett ★
I'm sorry, am i missing something? what is this "cut to" thing?

★ steve ★
Uh, we were doing it earlier. maybe just give it a rest?

★ beck ★
Yeah. i think we're all a little "cut to"-ed out...

★ ryan ★
I appreciate it... cut to... me making another "cut to" joke?

★ all stare, then giggle a bit ★

★ garett ★
Okay, that's not bad

★ jake ★
Yeah, that one was pretty good

★ verse 2 ★
I'm the guy who nailed the bit
Nailed the bit
Nailed the bit

And now that i've proven myself
I'm finally just one of the guys

★ spoken outro ★

★ ryan ★
Hey, steve! beer alert, think fast!

★ ryan throws the can at steve and it hits him in the head. ★

★ all except ryan and steve ★
Oh!

★ steve ★
Fuck!

★ ryan ★
Oh, crap... i just- i think i might just bounce