Yo UK General Election 2024 And the Conservatives need your votes Especially young people Which is why I am imploring you to vote Conservative Through the medium of hip hop I am a Tory gangsta rapper from west London My name is MC Hammersmith Straight outta Brompton Thank the po-lice Shoutout Michael Gove Listen, yo, yo
General Election, a time for upheaval And finally, a rapper who speaks for the people I'm the one and only Conservative MC Who puts the Tory into Notorious BIG Voting Tory means voting equality Which is evidеnt in all of their policies So let mе rap for you voters with passion Their pledges which - legally - don't have to happen
They'll get the economy moving for sure Helping taxpayers, and those who choose to be poor The Tories are the best economists in town Look at this graph: inflation's going down! Tories know health is a priority Which is why they spent ten billion pounds on PPE Their pledges are sensible, that is their purpose Hence popular policies like national service They'll take the youth of society And give assault rifles to a Gen Z military A generation famed for their lack of anxiety Their civil obedience, and mental stability Transport and schools will have funding bestowed Which have suffered recently due to… nobody knows All policies backed by Conservative favourites Who've earned your trust! And never betrayed it
Like Matt Hancock, who tried his best, be nice Yes he broke the laws he wrote and and cheated on his wife And caused thousands to die in care residences But thanks to him, I now know what dyslexia is And Boris Johnson, yeah, look, we get it But it's tough to be Prime Minister during a pandemic Well, I imagine, no-one else has ever done it, yes But I don't need comparisons to know he tried his bloody best He's not an adulterer - he's just a shagger! He's not a racist - he just wants reform! We all make mistakes, I'd vote for him again And he didn't hide in that fridge... he was just warm Brits love a jokester who speaks candidly The Tories have characters with personality When we win this election opposing predictions We'll party like it's Christmas! In Covid restrictio-
The Tories are a party of equality and stature We installed the first lady leader since Thatcher Theresa May defied the European propaganda She didn't change her mind or switch positions or meander Yes she caused Windrush, but now we know the answer Deporting them was wrong: we should have sent them to Rwanda And if to voting Tory you are still averse Look, the alternative's worse! Labour will Bankrupt the country!… like Liz Truss did They'll raise mortgage rates!… like Liz Truss did Er, they'll crash the pound!… like Liz Truss d- okay You know what, actually… forget Liz Truss Labour's just a party lacking calibre and vision With its cluelessness and history of antisemitism The Tories can't be antisemitic, when it's recognised They've sent like half a billion pounds to finance Israel's genoci- Defence operation! Sorry Defence operation! Are you sure? Really? I mean even I can see that - They're beheading kids! Okay if you say so Defence operation!
If we're being honest, in the last 14 years Certain problems in the British Isles have appeared Cost of living crisis, health inequalities Seven hundred thousand more kids live in poverty Shortage of housing, national debt's greater NHS waiting lists have tripled since Labour Food banks, austerity, no hopes or glories And who's to blame? Illegal immigrants! These foreigners handsomely feed They receive housing benefits and rapidly breed There's no space for immigrants' children as well I agree Suella Braverman and Priti Patel But being British is about getting on Being proud of this country wherever you're from Tories want a Britain that's equal through and through For people of colour, and normal people too Speaking of which, the Equality Act If you've met a trans woman - which I never have You'll know they don't experience violence or hate Put them in men's prisons, they'll be perfectly safe And the NHS currently says it's on its knees Due to funding cuts - er, financial squeeze Hundreds die weekly because of this climate But they could have lived - if they'd gone private Thousands of criminals are walking our streets Violent extremists at war with the police A scourge on this country that spitefully festers Knife Crime? Worse. Climate protesters Eco-terrorists are the cause of divisions Hence rising bills and our soaring emissions Nothing to do with the fact the Conservatives Cut insulation and blighted suppliers and Deregulated the energy market and Pocketed millions from climate deniers
Look, let's try not to dwell Cos the Tories gave us Brexit which has gone really well And if you want proof that the future looks sweeter Let's turn to our fearless and really tall leader
Sunak's the best! I adore the guy's philosophy The Toriest of Tories with a Tory ideology A principled conservative whose values are unfettered Dishy Rishi's true and blue, I've read his voting record: He supports a lower income tax for higher earners Israel and Brexit and restrictive rights for workers Clamping down on picket lines and benefit dependents And obviously any whiff of Scottish independence He doesn't want to scrap this country's nuclear defence Or cap the banker's bonuses or private housing rents He's very gender-critical and that is just for starters So don't - oh no wait, this is Keir Starmer's
Look, the point is, the Tories aren't desperate There's... tax cuts! For all the electorate! On stamp duty, child care, and National Insurance Funded by errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So July 4th, go stand in line And Vote Conservative - 'cos everything's fine! And if you're not convinced, I'll make a promise It'll be different this time you guys Honest
MC Hammersmith - Posh British Boy Raps In Car Stacked with more sweet bars than a kiosk Uh, bred posh like brioche Spitting on the mic is my duty for you Though i look like david tennant crossed with louis theroux How am i so
MC Hammersmith - I’ve Definitely Got A Gun I’ve definitely got a gun, I’ve definitely got a gun It’s big and it’s real and it’ll make you want to run Messing with my gun would be exceptionally bad So here’s some statements
MC Hammersmith - Rapping in Waitrose {Verse 1: MC Hammersmith} Rapping in Waitrose yeah that's credibility Call me Ocado 'cause I got fresh delivery Looking hella stylish turning rappers to ashes
MC Hammersmith - What If Santa Was A Gangsta Rapper? {Intro: MC Hammersmith} Hello and season's greetings With Christmas fast approaching I'd be asking myself the question; I ask myself every year at this time Not
MC Hammersmith - If Eminem Was English {Intro: MC Hammersmith} Ehm may I have your attention please Will the English Slim Shady please stand up English Slim Shady ehm I'll just start
MC Hammersmith - Fully Qualified Gangsta {Intro: Charles Dundas and MC Hammersmith} Well Mr MC Hammersmith I think that brings us to the end of this job interview But just one more question Here on your CV under
MC Hammersmith - This Is Why I Don't Party {verse 1:mc hammersmith} Got a small cock and anxiety Shall we party, yes quietly{party time} Connor's turning thirty Plan to leave quickly Because
MC Hammersmith is a multi-award winning hip hop comedian. He performs improvised and scripted hip hop comedy, and is the world’s leading freestyle rapper to ever emerge from the ghetto of middle class west London. Now based in Edinburgh, he performs across the UK and internationally. He has also written for Epic Rap Battles of History.