Will Wood - The Main Character

I’m that first person they talk about in all the books
I’m that perspective you cannot doubt, see how I look
Control the narrative reliably, it’s all about me
And I wrote the book about throwing the book at those who don’t do it by it

And I’m holding myself hostage
Stockholm lost its looks for justice
And enough lefts don’t make the right but two wrongs do
Oh man, Sun Tzu would love this
Beating my dead high horse off the high road to low ground
‘Cause if you shake your fists at snakes and grass, it looks like punching down

So god forbid I’m seen just as an average human being
I mean imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene
I’m the gap between a tragedy and comedy
Don’t come at me
I’m the main character and you have to like me

So I loot plot armor from NPC’s
It’s all they are for me
Trite, tropes, traits, traumas, trinkets, and treats; it's all XP
Look in the sky, it’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s superego!
Underdog you cheer for
And villains are everywhere, that’s how I know that I’m the hero!
So tie me to the train tracks, laugh and snidely twist your mustache
Snidely whiplash Boris Badenov, ignoring me’s bad enough
Where do you get off? Da, das vedanya, darling
Daleks in high collars monologue
And I outsmart them with a raygun and a tweet

So god forbid I’m seen just as an average human being
I mean imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene
I’m the gap between a tragedy and comedy
Don’t come at me
I’m the main character and you have to like me

Judge me by what my cover shows, the author’s now beyond reproach
You don’t know the prose or if the spine is still intact
Like Alice fell to Wonderland, come astroturf my Overton
And then bolden my demand to live by alternative facts

So her majesty says the Royal We demand a standard of loyalty
An agreement to be reverent, lick the emperor’s new boots
The court fool got the guillotine, the witches the stake, you the dopamine
And Siemens made the Zyklon B but we all still get the flu
We all do what we need to to get through, it’s nothing new
But I ain’t done a fucking thing to you

So god forbid I’m seen just as an average human being
I mean imagine if antagonists lacked any evil scheme
I’m the gap between a tragedy and comedy
Don’t come at me
I’m the main character and you have to like me