Rick Waln - Ode to the Musical

★ MICHAEL ★
The theater—ain't it grand?
The theater—ain’t it great?
But there's one form of theater that I can't stand
There’s one form of theater that I hate
And it isn't the dramas of Miller or of William Inge
It isn't the works of Williams over whom I cringe
So I'll tell you if you want to know
It's the curiosity known as the musical show
Oh

I hate Hello, Dolly!
I hate The Unsinkable Molly Brown
I hate Carousel, I hate
Wonderful Town
I hate Sweeney Todd
My God, they never stop singing
I think Bye Byе Birdie is odd
And I hate the Bеlls Are Ringing

Bennett and Bob Fosse
They're all the glitter and glossy same
I hate Chorus Line, I hate
Gypsy and Mame
Jerry Herman's shows
Should close before they leave Boston
Next he'll musicalize the prose
Of Dostoyevsky or Austen
Of Berlin, I’m not very fond, I’m
Not impressed by Stephen Sondheim
Wouldn't pay a quarter
To see a show that’s by Cole Porter
Comden and Green leave me cold
Kander and Ebb leave me bored
Gershwin and Kern, Styne
And Rodgers and Bernstein
In me they just don't strike a chord
I hate them

I hate all the tuners
I hate the dancers and crooners—please
I hate all the scores in their various keys

★ WOMEN ★
Various keys

★ MICHAEL ★
Please take my advice
Think twice before you're reserving
Forty bucks a seat—is that nice?
It isn't what you’re deserving
I hate stupid songs
I hate silly words
I hate lousy books
It's all for the birds

★ MICHAEL, WOMEN, MICHAEL & WOMEN ★
I hate (He hates) musical comedy
I hate (He hates) musical comedy
I hate (He hates) musical comedy shows