Saturday Night Live - Spooky Song

(spoken)

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
Baby, this is too spooky. let's just go back to the party

★ tyler ★
Oh, come on. it’s halloween. we gotta hook up in a graveyard

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
Do we, though? tyler, what's happening?

★ tyler ★
I don't know

(song)

★ ghosts ★
On halloween your breath is taken
For tonight the dead awaken
Listen well, our living friends
And hear how we all met our ends

(spoken)

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
Oh my god, tyler, they’re gonna sing about how they died!

★ tyler ★
I know, i'm scared!

(song)

★ captain ghost ★
I was a captain at my ship's wheel
A heart of gold and nerves of steel
I fell overboard one night so dark
And i swam just fine, but so did the shark

★ southern belle ghost ★
I was a debutante, the belle of the ball
Men would chase me from spring to fall
I never met a flame i couldn't handle
Until my gown met a candle

★ chance ghost ★
We can skip me
Happy halloween!

(spoken)

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
Is that all he's gonna do?

★ prospector ghost ★
Yeah, i was wonderin' the same thing. that's it?

★ chance ghost ★
Yes, skip me

★ prospector ghost ★
Okay, i'll go, then. nobody has ever skipped before. i’m sorry

(song)
I was a miner, diggin’ for gold
Then one day, i hit the mother lode
I grabbed a cigar, gave it a light
Turned out my stogie was dynamite
Hee hee hee!

(spoken)

★ chance ghost ★
Wow, everyone did great, and i think we're done here, right?

★ captain ghost ★
No, uh uh. it’s the ditty of the damned. all four of us have a tale to tell of our deaths before we can go back to our graves. that's how it works, so come on

★ chance ghost ★
Yeah, here's the thing. my death was a real "you had to be there" situation, needs a lot of context. i don't wanna waste anybody’s time

★ captain ghost ★
Sing now!

★ chance ghost ★
Oh my god, fine. i'll go. ready?

(song)
One dark night with the moon so red
What killed me happened, and now i'm dead
Happy halloween!

(spoken)

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
Wait, but like, how did you die?

★ chance ghost ★
Ha, ghosts never tell

★ tyler's girlfriend ★
But they do, though. that's what this whole song is about

★ tyler ★
Is he allowed to be vague like that?

★ captain ghost ★
He is not

★ chance ghost ★
All right! it's gonna sound way worse than it actually is. you guys know what a 9-volt battery is, right? it's important for the song

(song)
At 12 years old, i sat on a 9-volt
It gave my heinie a quick little jolt
I liked how it felt, so i did it a lot
But i built up a tolerance to lower watt
Then i realized there's no higher volt
Than the one that comes from a lightning bolt
So one stormy night, i went to my roof
And i put a metal pole in my ass

(spoken)
Yo, why y'all? i can't do this right now. y'all lookin' at me like i'm some sorta freak or somethin'

★ southern belle ghost ★
No one is judging you

★ chance ghost ★
Yes, you are. look at that owl

★ captain ghost ★
Oh, forget about the owl. just finish the song

★ chance ghost ★
Okay, god. okay, everybody remember where we left off?

★ prospector ghost ★
Yes, you're on the roof with a pole in your ass. heck, would've done the same thing myself

★ chance ghost ★
Really?

★ prospector ghost ★
No, man! it's weird as hell! just go

★ chance ghost ★
Whatever

(song)
Like benjamin franklin with his key and kite
That lightning hit my pole that night
I squealed with delight, but i quickly stopped
When my insides fried and my colon popped
And my ass burnt off and my thing caught on fire and my face caught on fire and i went in my pants
Happy halloween!

(spoken)

★ captain ghost ★
What the hell is wrong with you, man?

★ chance ghost ★
Nothin'! i was a kid, man. kids do weird stuff

★ southern belle ghost ★
You died in your 20s

★ chance ghost ★
Whatever! let's just finish the song

(song)

★ ghosts ★
Listen to the dead, the voices of the past
And live every day like it's your last
Happy halloween!