Tom Cardy - Monster Truck
Please play nice
You can touch my Lego
You can touch my Pokémon cards
You can watch Ninjago
Or play with Thor of Asgard
You can touch my fidget spinners
My dad bought me eighteen
You can play with anything
But please don't touch my
Monster truck
You can play my Fortnite
I know that you love Fortnite
You can touch my bike or my kite
Or my Spiderman light
You can put your hand on my slap bass (slap bass)
But if you touch my monster truck
I'll stab you in the face (bitch)
You can touch the pills that my dad keeps in the bathroom
You can go and smell all the things in my sisters bedroom
You touch my tonka truck?
I couldn't give a fuck!
What's the one thing I said?
Don't touch my monster truck
If you touch my monster truck
I'll fucking bite you on your arm
And then my mumma gonna call your mumma and say
"take your dumbass kid back home"
And I know for a fact you
Got no dungaroos
You got not fruit rollups in that
Two bedroom apartment
All you got is a marriage on the rocks
And the feeling that you fucked up by
Touching my monster truck
Feeling that you fucked up by
Touching my monster truck
Feeling that you fucked up by
Touching my monster truck
If you tell anyone at school
That i cried when you
T-t-touched my monster truck
I'll tell everyone at school that you
Got no TV at your house and you shat yourself (shat yourself)
My dad could beat up your dad
My dad is John Cena
I'm allowed to drink Coke
You got a weird weiner
My mum says that you dad is a cuck
But I don't know that word
But I know another word, it's
Monster truck (monster truck)
Monster truck (monster truck)
Monster truck (monster truck)
Monster truck (monster truck)
Don't you touch my
I am a little shit
The kind of kid that you'd like to hit
But you cannot, 'cause hittin' kids is wrong
So you settle for watching me get
Hit by my mum in a
(supermarket) crowded supermarket
(a crowded supermarket) a crowded supermarket
You take an opportunity while I'm stuck
To kick the shit out of my monster truck
Song Description:
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Tom Cardy
Biography
Tom Cardy is an improviser and musician who’s love for performing and comedy can all be traced back to his love of improv from his high school days. Whilst studying psychology and music, Tom wrote and performed for several Sydney University arts revues as well as his own sell out comedy festival shows, all the while teaching improv and sketch at high schools around Sydney.
Tom is a multi-instrumental composer, who’s love of combining comedy and music has seen him compose for the likes of SBS’ The Feed, Amazon series The Moth Effect, the Sydney University Revue and the award winning musical Inner West Side Story. As well as composing and teaching musical improv, Tom has also musically accompanied a variety of improv performances (Cranston Cup, Celebrity Theatresports, The Bear Pack, Impro Australia‘s Theatresports Schools Competition).
Blending comedy and music, Tom’s own musical comedy videos have millions of likes online, with a combined total of over 1M people following him on different platforms. In August 2021 he released his first EP Artificial Intelligence.